She’s an elitist.
Proud and powerful.
And she’s not making any apologies. This middle-aged dominant woman from Ireland knows her worth, who she is and what it is she wants: service, submission and unquestioning obedience from males privileged to be in her service. She believes — as do I — that women are uniquely qualified to lead men and relationships. I met this fierce Irish lass through the AboutFLR site and asked if she would be willing to answer a few questions with regards to her views on female dominance and male submission? Thankfully she said yes and what follows are my questions and her verbatim answers. She is also runs a support group: Female Led Relationships Ireland and is clearly committed to the cause of empowering women to take the lead with quality submissive men.
Q: What does being a dominant woman mean to you?
A: Believe it or not, that is a difficult question to answer as I’m a lifestyler — I am dominant in every aspect of my life and always have been naturally so. For me, being dominant stems from being an elitest. A meritocratist better describes what I mean by this. Having the best person for the job in the position. It makes perfect sense but rarely happens in our society. As I entered adulthood I began to see relationships, friendships, clubs and hobby groups as strange dynamics where it was not good to say exactly what was on your mind and to receive constructive feedback. This was definitely the opposite to what I wanted in my relationships and friendships. I actively made my expectations clear in my relationships (honesty, trust and healthy communication) and they automatically evolved into female led relationships.
So when asked to describe dominant women, the adjectives that spring to mind are authoritative, open-minded, caring but strict, strong-willed and yes, stern! These are, in my opinion, essential characteristics for any dominant woman. Other, lessor talked about characteristics (because they don’t feature in FemDom!) include compassion, empathy, inventiveness and attention to detail!! Going back to me, I take pride in my ability to enable men flourish under my control and nurturing. I possess all of the above traits but I’m also constantly learning and developing. I think this is essential as we move through life. Being a dominant woman means I won’t tolerate disrespect and I am clear in my expectations. If those expectations are not being met, I will be forward in expressing same. I have the confidence and capability to hold my partner to account but I can also encourage and motivate.
Q: How does a FLR function for you?
A: Going back to my idea of meritocracy, with regards to my personal life, I believe I am the best person to be in the position of Leader. I have seen over and over again that relationships and households where the woman leads and the man follows are happier, more successful, and more productive. “Traditional” households unfortunately encourage laziness and selfishness in men. Most men will not voluntarily take on their share of the physical, emotional and mental load required to create and sustain a healthy relationship. I am also able to see the bigger picture (from all sides!) which makes me a better decision-maker.
With all my FLRs, I use the Five Food Groups to design and develop the relationship. Each gentleman is different and will have different needs and desires. However, each is expected to accept that I am the Head and as such the balance of power is in my favour. The most content FLRs I have the fortune to witness are those where the gentleman’s thoughts and opinions are known. Then, when the Queen is making a decision, she can take them into consideration if she wishes. A successful FLR will always purposely take stock of the dynamic and see if it’s still serving both parties, if changes are required and how those changes may impact the FLR. For me this is important as an FLR needs to be nourished and the work put it consistently..
Q: What are your expectations for a submissive man?
A: One thing that I do as a dominant woman is insist on honest communication at all times — even when my boy knows that I won’t like what he has to say. This enables us to get to know each other deeply and be in sync. This level of “knowing” also means both people become more self-aware resulting in personal growth and development naturally occurring. The gentleman can be his genuine self and shed societal expectations of him without feelings of shame or inadequacy.
Regarding the general expectations I have for my submissives, they are fairly standard — obedience, gratitude, prioritising my needs and desires over his own, acceptance that he is a true gentleman, chastity (I have my own version of chastity), confidence and assertiveness, and the drive to want to be the very best version of himself and most importantly discretion. My relationships are between myself and my gentleman. The intimate details are not wank fodder for others. All my FLRs have heavy elements of kink so I generally don’t have relationships with men who are not kinky and experienced with BDSM and male submission.
