It wasn’t meant to be.
I went from being her “unicorn” to undesirable — and in just a matter of minutes. She was able to successfully gestalt my vanillaesque personal beyond my “pro feminine stance” (her words) and expressed an appreciation for men who enthusiastically defer to feminine leadership and desire a relationship dynamic “…way beyond supporting a woman’s right for equality.” I was immediately attracted and excited to be called out by this assertive, alpha-identified woman who recognized and respected my not-quite-in-your-face submissive orientation. As she so eloquently put it: “I am looking for a healthy relationship with a man, where I am in charge, he defers to me in most decisions, and he prefers it that way.” Amen! But alas, it was not meant to be. When I respectfully inquired about her interest level in collaring and chastising a male lover she went cold. I had crossed a line and she called out my question as a provocation and as little more than “kink.” I was summarily dismissed; categorized as an “undesirable” submissive man in her eyes. C’est la vie! So goes the story of my journey as a sincere and secure submissive man in pursuit of a loving long-term female led relationship. Ask the wrong question; suggest the wrong idea and poof — she’s gone and it’s back to square one.
I’m not alone. I know there are legions of submissive men with similar stories to tell. We trepidatiously approach women we hope might be amenable to exploring a female-first relationship, make a case for it and why we’re a quality candidate and watch a potentially budding relationship dissipate into thin air as we’re righteously rejected for being too kinky, perverted or some combination of the two. The idea of celebrating feminine leadership in a committed and loving long-term relationship is lost on so many remarkable women for whom only tired traditional relationship archetypes are acceptable. As I have mentioned before, it is stunning to hear from women who have never heard of a female led relationship or even imagined there are men who might desire such a relationship dynamic. Even then, most women reject it as not being the ‘right fit’ for them without ever experiencing the joy of an ego-reduced, eager-to-please, attentive and obedient man in their lives. I’ll keep plugging away but suspect the answer from women will be a warm, apologetic, no.