I have a secret.
And I bet you do too.
No one talks about it.
But everyone does it:
Masturbate.
Shocked? Don’t be.
For many, masturbation complements an active sex life; for me — as a single submissive male — it is sex. As a sub, I have long understood sexual engagement with women is a privilege and always on the dominant’s terms. I like that. As I see it, sex should be gynocentric in outlook and orgasm-centric in practice with males relegated to serving and submitting to facilitate their partner’s pleasure. (Our reward comes from the satisfaction of knowing we’ve been of use to our female superiors.) Hopefully the assertive women reading this are nodding their heads in collective agreement. Masturbation is a socially taboo topic; a source of innate pleasure where we privately exercise our deepest (and darkest) fantasies, rewarding ourselves with exquisite — if not selfish — pleasure without ever revealing anything about our fantasies in the process. I’d like to open the figurative curtains and shed some light on what makes me — as a secure and sincere submissive male — get off.
To start, I conducted a week-long Twitter poll asking more than a thousand self-identified submissive men to share the themes of their masturbation fantasies. About 42% of respondents to this non-scientific survey said their fantasies are exclusively femdom in nature; 32% said it’s a mixed bag that included femdom, 20% said they’re locked in chastity and cannot orgasm and 4.3% told me they don’t masturbate at all. Again, these polls only reflect the views of those who participate and the 20% in chastity stat feels a bit high — but that’s where my fellow submissive brethren say they stand on this topic.
Count me in the majority. When I masturbate — though mostly ‘edge’ — it’s always in a femdom context. There may have been a time when sexual fantasies fueling my arousal were non-femdom oriented but that was a long time ago. So what gets me off? My subjugation and objectification by women — who demand my abject obedience — and recognize that female domination of males is less of a sex scene/act and more of a radical deconstruction of traditional gender roles and a path to the elimination of patriarchy. I am sexually aroused by changing social standards that lead to male disempowerment and specifically the stripping away of pride, ego and patriarchal rot through exposure and adherence to feminine authority, rules and edicts. The women I often find myself fantasizing about are not the stereotypical leather-clad stiletto-booted, whip-wielding dominatrix types, but rather socially empowered, leadership-oriented professional women with a dominant streak who openly assert themselves socially and sexually in their relationships with males. The scenarios driving my arousal are universally free of traditional sex — even cunnilingus — and decidedly more focused on my demonstrative obedience and surrender to feminine authority as defined by the women who have chosen to lead me.
Scenario 1: In my mid-20’s and on a date with a woman with an assertive personality. She has picked me up and we’re just sitting and talking in her car, she’s in the driver’s seat, me seated next to her. The sexual energy is high; she is naturally assertive and our conversation turns to kissing and light petting. She pulls back and looks me, I’m not sure why she has stopped. Then she tells me: for our relationship to move forward I need to understand and acknowledge she is “the boss.” I sort of gulp as I have not shared my desire to submit to her though she has clearly taken a quite dominant stance with me. We’ve just crossed the power exchange rubicon as I fully and enthusiastically accept her authority and tell her I have no qualms with her being the lead/superior partner. She’s more than pleased at my willingness to submit and acceptance of her authority and the evening becomes progressively more femdom-focused when we return to my apartment and she takes the lead in all aspects of our lovemaking.
Scenario 2: I am collared and owned by a dominant woman who is relocating from New York City and cannot keep me as her slave. She knows I need the command and control of a strong woman and is seeking my adoption to another dominant woman. She has set up a private gathering for a handful of high level professional women who have expressed an interest in assuming my ownership. Most of the women are in their late 20’s to mid-30’s, stylish, attractive and assertive. The evening begins with my owner talking about me and her situation while I remain in another room. She has printed an extensive bio/resume of me that she distributes to the women detailing my skills, stats and experience along with photos of me nude and dressed. The women all take this very seriously as they consider my candidacy. I am soon ushered into the room nude wearing nothing more than collar and cock ring. The sexual energy explodes as I anxiously stand — head bowed — before the group. An assertive, stylish-dressed asian woman — her hair cut short just above her shoulders in a sexy severe bob — puts her wine glass down and approaches me. She’s about 5’9” in heels and stands directly in front of me. “Eyes down” she orders; I obey her immediately feeling eyes of all the women on me. Her hands firmly grip my shoulders and slide down along my torso, stopping to briefly inspect and pinch my nipples before sliding across my flat muscled stomach. She puts her left hand back on my shoulder and with the her right hand, takes hold of erect penis at the base, squeezing down before sliding her manicured fingers down to the head before pinching it. She cups my balls giving them a firm possessive squeeze; I shudder in arousal and realize the other women are also now standing around me, sizing me up as potential prey as I inhale their perfumes mixing together causing me to swoon. A petite blonde orders me to turn around, bend over and spread my cheeks. I do as she says as my head spins with arousal at their assertive objectification of me. One woman mentions she wished she had brought her strap-on. I become even more aroused and erect as my submission and obedience is demanded, celebrated and applauded by these women considering my candidacy for female ownership and property — to be used as they see fit.
Scenario 3: I’m on a long-term out of town work assignment. I’m living in a hotel and have started dating a woman who also lives out of town. Our weekend dates are sex-filled but take a decidedly different turn when I receive a text message Friday at work hours before we’re set to meet. She tells me that I am to come to her in the hotel lobby at exactly six and kneel next to the chair she’s sitting in. My mind begins to race; I’ve been staying there for months and the staff all know me. But I do as I’m told and arrive promptly to find Ms. sitting comfortably, legs crossed, looking at her phone. I kneel trying not to be conspicuous — even though I’m wearing a suit — and can feel people taking notice of my unusual position down on my knees. She smiles and tells me to kiss her hand and I do. I’m told to pick up her small weekend bag and purse and walk behind her, eyes lowered, to the elevator. At my room, she enters first and instructs to me to unpack her bag, putting her clothes in the drawers and closet and rejoin her in the living area nude. I do as instructed and find her on the couch, legs crossed with a pump dangling off her foot. She informs me the dynamic of our relationship will be changing — with my status as her lover downgraded moving forward. I nod enthusiastically as I kneel nude before her; listening intently as she describes new rules and expectations for my behavior and comportment as her devoted pet, submissive and servant. She outlines my new path, as her property, informing me that starting this weekend my penis will be locked in chastity 24/7 and I will kept on a very restrictive digital leash during the week with multiple check-ins, video calls and text updates required. She notes my erection and smiles warmly and reassuringly at my eager acceptance of her authority over me. Every subsequent weekend she manages to intensify her dominance, with new protocols and expectations for my sexual and domestic service. She disempowers me with a range of ego-reduction protocols, including an extensive body-wide shaving/waxing regimen intended to keep me smooth for her. I am required to get pedicures and am told my toenails must always be painted the same color as my omnipresent pink chastity lock. Many weekends, the lock never comes off, with my excitement about being permitted an orgasm shattered as she leaves Sunday telling me the following weekend might be different.
Scenario 3a: I am loving my new life with Ms. as her devoted sex slave and servant when she surprises me and shows up one Friday evening with a girlfriend. I knew she was bisexual but wasn’t aware she was dating anyone beyond myself; the topic hadn’t resurfaced beyond her initial disclosure early on in our relationship. Her new partner is pretty, edgy with an openly assertive/alpha personality. It’s clear she knows all about me and my status as Ms’ submissive when she calls me “cuck” upon our introduction. My status as male property in obedient service to both women is highlighted Friday and Saturday nights when I am kept nude in their presence, dressed in nothing more than sheer black stockings and 5” heels. During their lovemaking, I am forced to face the bedroom wall while collared, plugged, chastised and gagged — my ankles shackled to keep me immobilized. Between my nose and the wall, a ping pong ball rests precariously; I am warned I will be harshly punished if the feather-light ball falls to the floor. I can only listen to my dominant and her girlfriend make love but am never permitted to see them as they remind me harsh punishments await if I break any of their many rules. I don’t dare.
