I’m not surprised. Not in the least.
The numbers speak for themselves and reflect my experience as an enthusiastic advocate of Female Led Relationships. Some 80% of FLRs are initiated by (submissive) men according to a new survey from FLR advocate, Ms. Cat Boulder, (X/@FLRInfo) as reported on her site, Femaleled.info. Sounds about right. I have been in two long-term FLRs and while the first one was initiated by a dominant woman — who met me through this blog — the second was a result of my hinting at the benefits of pursuing a relationships where the woman has the upper-hand and she was sold.
I have spoken to many women, over a number of years, who have expressed incredulity that relationships — where the woman is in charge — are actually a thing. Most women have a difficult time wrapping their arms around the concept that there are men — like me — who voluntarily seek to submit to the will of a woman in a loving long-term relationship/marriage. And convincing a woman she should take the domestic and sexual lead in a relationship with a man can be a tough sell. Most women, from my experience, are not socialized to accept submissive men as partners and lovers. If anything, women tend to prefer more traditional relationships where the man takes the lead — especially in the bedroom — and the couple share responsibility for leading in other areas of their partnership. That’s obviously not true for all couples but for most, power dynamics are thought of nothing more than bedroom play — where the woman may assert herself on occasion in lovemaking — but then reverts to a more traditional role afterwards.
I spoke recently to one woman on Bumble who initially expressed skepticism about FLRs and the benefits offered by ego-reduced submissive men. She, like many single women over 50, was divorced, on her own and enjoying her independence. She was tired of men trying to tell her what to do. She didn’t imagine that a future relationship might be with a man who would promote her priorities and enthusiastically defer to her smart lead. As you can see from her response, she became more than convinced of the benefits woman-led relationships can offer.
Her Words: “I do think men should inherently defer to women, and I agree that a FLR encompasses political and social elements. We’ve all known awful women. But overall and in general, women are better equipped to lead than men are, and that is by design. I’m not religious. I don’t believe that motherhood is the highest glory a woman can achieve. But certain traits and characteristics accompany the ability to grow and bring forth life. (Whatever degree those qualities may vary from one individual to another doesn’t matter much, for purposes of this discussion.) Patriarchy recognizes this most awesome power. The problem, as I see it now, is that instead of recognizing, honoring, and deferring to it, patriarchy responds by trying to diminish it. This is a most unnatural state, and in some ways futile, in that it can never truly alter the basic facts. But patriarchy also has not been futile. It accomplishes its goal of subordinating women, and the impact on all of us, as a society and as individuals, is immeasurable. So, seen through this lens, FLR is a course correction.
I do see myself as having reached a point of exasperation and feeling quite powerful and comfortable with the decision to subordinate the role any man plays in my life, as I refuse to subordinate my needs, desires, comfort, interests, and time to a man ever again, except perhaps temporarily because it suits me to do so. Before you introduced me to the concept of FLR, I had resigned myself to delegating romance and sex to a small sliver of my life because so much of what comes with a traditional, male-led relationship is unappealing to me. I can see the value of enforced chastity, too: politically and culturally, if women controlled and directed men’s sexuality, it would rid the world of countless ills.”
There are a lot of great options for women who want to think differently about their romantic relationships with men. And I believe a lot of women will be pleasantly surprised to find there are quite a few men open and accepting of feminine leadership and authority. I am!
