Let’s call it a journey.
Sure that’s a bit cliché-ish but at this stage of my life I’ve come to terms with who I am and what I’m about: being a submissive man who enthusiastically and unapologetically defers to the will and wisdom of women. And to be fair, this path I have followed has been fraught with doubt and more than a soupçon of insecurity. Even today, in 2024, it is not socially acceptable for a man to express his desire to submit to the smart lead of strong women. I have long appreciated and preferred feminine leadership in my life — socially, domestically and naturally, sexually. Yet, I am not a female supremacist. I do not believe all women are superior to all men. I do, however, believe patriarchy is rot and there is an essential need for a pro-woman culture shift and gender realignment that provides more power, authority and agency to women with the unequivocal and selfless support of men. So how did I get here? It has been through a series of life-evolving stages that at times have thrilled yet unnerved me. I have been true to my beliefs and inclinations — even when they have been detrimental to my well-being and even happiness. So let’s consider and discuss my responses to my seven stages of male submission to women.
Stage 1 | Awakening: Often fueled during puberty — yet for some, the pangs of submission occur well before — leading to the attraction and excitement of feminine authority and more specifically being told what to do, corrected and punished by women. This first stage often provokes an innate desire to be pleasing to adult women and seeking their approval, and if failing, accepting their punishment.
My Experience: I probably had the first inklings of what I would later discover to be a submissive orientation just prior to puberty. I was definitely turned on by some non-familial female authority figures (mothers of my childhood friends) who would have been an authority figure when I was outside of my own home. But my interest in strong women was definitely something I picked up on in my early years — specifically in junior high school — and more decidedly in high school. I was not only attracted to those high school girls who had a “bitchy” personality but was sexually turned on when they might say something mocking to me — or something that could be considered intentional humiliation. A specific incident involved an after school “date” when I was with a sophomore and a senior girl pushed me against a tree and began kissing me, her tongue darting into my mouth — the impact was naturally a fast-growing erection she took note of but did not specifically address. What I will long remember is her assertiveness, taking what she wanted — and using me to fulfill her needs and pleasure. I didn’t know what this was but I knew I liked it.
Stage 2 | Confusion: Young men often get mixed messages — either intentionally or socially — on how they should behave and interact with women. Often the message is the man is the leader and the woman should follow. The Sadie Hawkins dance is an obvious contradiction that can be very exciting to young submissive men who are chosen and asked out on a date by a girl. But being innately submissive can cause confusion as to how to interact with younger women. Society says one thing: lead; but our brains (and penises) say something very different. We want these women to tell us what to do, take the lead and be assertive with us.
My Experience: Certainly my shyness and budding submissive nature got in the way of having normal interactions with school-aged girls in my formative years. While some grade-school girls accepted and even appreciated my softness and pleasing nature, most didn’t know what to make of who I was or the type of relationship dynamic I ideally sought. It wasn’t until college when I was able to put a name on what I was feeling and seeking. My freshman college year introduced me to the terms female domination, dominant woman and submissive man. Never before did I know there was a lexicon for what I wanted or who I was. I was able to purchase magazines that, while farcical in their depictions of female leadership, provided some much needed clarity on what these relationships might look like. The topic, however, remained taboo; it was not to be openly discussed and even hinted at. The term FLR had not been created and the whole topic of women leading men was essentially underground. But in my college years, I began to meet and interact with women for whom the prospects of assuming an openly more submissive stance might be possible though I was still trying to understand how such a relationship dynamic might ultimately unfold for me and a prospective partner.
Stage 3 | Confirmation: The point that you come to terms with who you are. You’re beyond experimenting and trying to figure out what it is you want; and come to the realization that this is the person you’re meant to be. The path is clear and the only obstacle is not pursuing it. You begin to filter out potential partners based primarily on their innate dominance and appreciation for your own submission.
My Experience: I was in college when I came to the conclusion that I was really only interested in dominant women. I had dated enough to know that I liked it when women set the tone and pace of our relationship; when they comfortable took the lead and told me what to do. No doubt there were some misfires and mistakes made along the way, but the dye was cast, and I was moving forward with part of my life. I liked being submissive. I liked the idea of being led and controlled and I wanted nothing else.
Stage 4 | Excitement: Quite simply, the sexual appetite is fueled by femdom romance and sex. Submissive men find themselves thinking only about submitting to the will and wisdom of strong women intent on molding and training compliant males to best serve them. The submissive orientation is not openly discussed, even denied outright if asked about. But in early adulthood, submissive men come into their own. They know what they desire and want in a female partner and that is to be led and dominated.
My Experience: In my college years and certainly after I had moved on in life to have my first apartment and some much-needed freedom and privacy I aggressively explored the world of female domination and how it would complement my life. For me, this was primarily sexually, with a pursuit of women who I presumed to have an assertive personality or even dominant streak. Lovemaking tended to be very woman-on-top oriented which well suited my personality and confirmed my path of submission and obedience to female partners.
Stage 5 | Exploration: Adulthood provides an opportunity to move beyond static images and fantasies; providing an opportunity to truly explore the options and ideals offered by dominant women. For submissive men, this may mean attending munches, traveling to meet people further afield and even exploring the benefits — and potential pitfalls — of submitting to professional dominatrixes.
My Experience: Once on my own I sort of lost all control when it came to exploring my submissive identity. Yes, I did visit and serve professional dominatrixes and avail myself of their services. Some of those interactions were positive and enlightening; others not so much. Based on my multiple experiences I concluded I would not continue to pursue pro-domme experiences. They are, though I don’t doubt there are exceptions, a less than authentic experience than I need or want as an adult submissive male. I also became involved in The Eulenspiegel Society in New York City which hosted discussions and demonstrations with dominant women and their submissive men. During these encounters my femdom worldview expanded to well beyond the sexual — to embrace it more as a lifestyle and a way of redefining my societal views to be much more pro-women in all aspects of society.
Stage 6 | Commitment: The stage at which, as a submissive man, you’re committed to ideals of female led relationships and serving and submitting to (dominant) women. This is now who you are and what you’re about. More and more, it stops being something hidden from public view and scrutiny. You’re proud of your identity and progressive views on women and relationships. You’re only considering partnering with strong dynamic dominant women who prefer the service and submission of a devoted and worshipful man.
My Experience: I have long crossed the Rubicon of accepting an equitable relationship with a woman. For me, my desire to serve and submit is far too great to consider a non-femdom oriented relationship. Admittedly, that may come across as a bit extremist but in my heart and loins, I know who I am, what I’m about and what it is that I truly desire more than anything: the loving leadership, collar and chastity of a demanding dominant woman.
Stage 7 | Advocacy: As a submissive man, you’re an advocate of the benefits of female led relationships. You’re anti-patriarchal and vocal about your views and beliefs. You might bring the topic of feminine leadership up in conversation — even with those who you’re not sure might appreciate your perspective. You speak up in support of women and call-out misogynist behavior when you see it. You’re an activist for the cause, working to get female-led lifestyles out of the closet and be seen as a natural and loving relationship dynamic between remarkable women and the men eager to please, serve and submit to them. This is as beneficial to women as it is to the submissive men who adore them; giving women the confidence to assert themselves in all aspects of society.
My Experience: The primary reason I started this blog was provide an outlet and voice for myself and others who appreciate the benefits of female led relationships. When I started this blog, there were relatively few resources available to the public about real people pursuing femdom relationships. I felt then, as I still do today, that the more that is said, discussed and espoused — the better for everyone. A female led relationship is not the right choice for many couples; but it is for some — and certainly enough that it is time to talk about it openly and positively. Femdom isn’t all about kink; it’s all about love and understanding one another — as well as yourself. Femdom couples are happy. Dominant women enjoy being themselves — demanding yet loving; submissive men find joy in acceptance of their obedience and desire to serve and submit. Whether you agree or not; it is a topic worthy of consideration and discussion and might just be the right choice for you.
